THE HELPER
The Caring, Interpersonal Type: Demonstrative, Generous, People-Pleasing, and Possessive
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Twos attempt to control their shame by getting other people to like them and to think of them as good people. They also want to convince themselves that they are good, loving people by focusing on their positive feelings for others while repressing their negative feelings (such as anger and resentment at not being appreciated enough). As long as Twos can get positive emotional responses from others, they feel wanted and are able to control feelings of shame.
Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.
Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved
Basic Desire: To feel loved
Key Motivations: Want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.
Biblical figure: JOHN (the beloved disciple)
Twos are keenly aware of everyone’s needs, which is noble, except in doing so Twos ignore their own needs. Twos are natural givers, but they struggle to receive, either from a neighbor or from God.
The apostle John is a great example of a Two. John is the only apostle who remains with Jesus at the cross.
John’s gospel (as well as his letters) focus on love. Richard Rohr points out that, although John emphasizes love, his love is exclusive, focusing on the “brothers.” John does not talk about loving enemies in any of his writings. So, you see the good and bad with a Two. They can give selflessly. But they can also be possessive and exclusive.
Other famous Twos: Princess Diana, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Hagrid (Harry Potter), Princess Leia (Star Wars)
Strengths:
“Service” is your middle name; you love giving to others and, as long as you’re healthy, don’t need attention to do so. (If you’re unhealthy, you’re probably looking for affirmation from others when you serve.)
Personal Growth Recommendations
Remember that if you are not addressing your own needs, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to meet anyone else's needs without problems, underlying resentments, and continual frustration.
Try to become more conscious of your own motives when you decide to help someone.
While there are many things you might want to do for people, it is often better to ask them what they really need first.
Resist the temptation to call attention to yourself and your good works.
Learn to recognize the affection and good wishes of others, even when these are not in terms that you are familiar with.
Enneagram and Coffee – It’s okay to not be needed
Craig Groeschel — You May see all that you are not, God looks and sees all that you are
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